Affordable Peart? City Reveals Alternate Memorial

The million dollar price tag for a bronze statue of Rush drummer Neil Peart has raised eyebrows across the community and now, it appears, in City Hall.

In an attempt to balance the city budget, the elaborate Neil Peart memorial, designed by the Newfoundland Bronze Foundry in Logy Bay (this despite there being no known Rush recording of “I’se the B’y”), may be on the chopping block. According to our source inside city hall,  the design, which portrays Peart with drumsticks and holding a book (rumoured to be Atlas Shrugged), “is simply unaffordable.”

When we pointed out that it was our understanding that funding would come entirely from private donations, Jay (not his real name) replied, “A million bucks? Yeah, right.”

The problem seems to be that the city’s relentless drive to maintain fiscal responsibility is in trouble.  As Jay (not his real name) put it, “We’re not made of money, you know. After budgeting $20 million for developers of million dollar condos, the cupboard is bare. But we are doing what we can. We just cancelled the only affordable housing project in the city. And now the Peart thing. Sure, the statue is nice, but like families everywhere, we just have to suck it up and tighten our belts.”

When asked about alternatives, our informant revealed that the City had conducted its own design competition for a memorial to Peart and have now  selected a design.

“First of all, it was submitted by an artist who’s lived in St Catharines his entire life. But more important, it’s way cheaper. We can get this puppy done for $359.95. That’s a saving of $999,640,” the informant reported,“ and 5 cents.”

Though reluctant to go into details, we did learn that the memorial would involve carving Neil into one of the ancient Lakeside Park willow trees. A bronze plaque attached to the willow would read:

Lakeside Park, willows in the breeze

Lakeside Park, so many memories

Laughing rides, midway lights

Shining stars on summer nights…