Mystery Surrounds Site Activity – Hoffa Under GM?

While people living near the old GM plant are reporting considerable activity on the site, what exactly is going on remains a mystery.

“Yeah, sure,” one local resident commented. “They SAY they’re cleaning up the site. But if that’s what’s really happening, why wouldn’t the City make a statement? Why wouldn’t the MOE happily release a progress report? And why would Peter’s Haulage’s long-promised public meeting never take place? No,” he added  darkly, “there’s more going on over there than meets the eye.”

While facts are few, speculation is rampant. Theories about what is actually going on behind the plywood wall range from covering up evidence of alien landings to striking oil on the property. However, never content to settle for brushoffs from officials, considerable digging by the SubStandard’s crack team of journalists has uncovered another disturbing possibility: Jimmy Hoffa is buried on the GM site.

According to one usually unreliable source, rumours to this effect have been swirling around St Catharines for years. “Just think about it,” our informant, who wishes to remain anonymous due to fear of reprisal, told us. “Where was Hoffa killed? Outside of Detroit at the Red Fox Restaurant. So, like you’ve got a body, see? Whatcha you gonna do wit it? How about put it into a barrel of PCBs and ship it due east to a factory in another country that besides making cars doubles as a PCB dump site?” He nodded balefully. “This is how it went down, see? Surprised it took the fuzz like, you know, 50 years to figure it out.” 

Committed to the highest journalistic standards,  SubStandard reporters spared no effort in verifying the facts. After a half hour  on Wikipedia, we were able to confirm that Hoffa was indeed last seen at the Red Fox Restaurant outside of Detroit on July 7, 1975. St Catharines, a mere four hours away, did host a recognized PCB dump site at the GM factory. And the transport of chemicals and car parts from Detroit to St Catharines was common and unremarkable

While it is impossible to confirm this rumour, observers have recently noted officials in hazmat suits sampling PCB runoff from the plant, possibly analyzing it for traces of Hoffa’s DNA.

Committed to keeping the community misinformed, we will follow this story like bloodhounds. Stay tuned!