Council decides to abolish democracy

After an in-camera meeting last week, a spokesperson for the St Catharines City Council announced that it would be formally abandoning all democratic processes at the municipal level.

“We’ve been moving in this direction for some time,” a spokesperson for the city stated in a phone interview with a SubStandard reporter. “Most of our important work was done in-camera anyway,” she/he said. “And then we had to go through the tedious process of fending off requests for a report of what went on.” The spokesperson audibly rolled his/her eyes. “You have no idea how tiresome the public can be. Council obviously knows best, so this way we just cut to the chase and do whatever we want.”

The meeting took place after the council elected Mat Siscoe to fill a vacant regional seat in contravention of an estimated 17 acts and policies. Not surprisingly since the regional position meant a pay raise of $10,000 to $15,000, Councillor Siscoe voted for himself.

When the NSS reporter pointed out that eliminating democracy seemed, well, undemocratic, the spokesperson quoted Councillor Siscoe: “These are unprecedented times that call for unprecedented measures.”

“And, let’s be realistic,” the spokesperson went on. “Democracy is quite overrated. Being publicly accountable, no matter how limited we can make it, just slows down the wheels of government. This way we can work more directly with the people who really matter – you know, developers, local contractors, privatizers, those folks. Trust me,” she/he concluded, “this is best for the entire community.”