St Catharines Fire Department Designates GM Site as New Training Facility

• 

After racing to put out six fires blazing at the old GM site in six weeks, the St Catharines Fire Department finally realized that neither the city nor the owner was going to take action to clear the property anytime soon. Showing creativity and resourcefulness, the department decided to take a novel approach to the problem.

Spokesperson for the Department, Bob “Smoky” Beranger, explained the plan. “At first we were kind of annoyed, you know?” Beranger said at a recent press conference. “I mean, every week, there we went, sirens blaring, lights flashing to put out some campfire in the middle of the old Bayshore Building.” But after four or five calls, the department realized they had a real asset on their hands. “Who needs simulated fires when you can have real ones on a regular basis? Heck, we just scheduled it in on our weekly training program.”

When a Standard reporter pointed out that the fires posed dangers to both firefighters and intruders, Beranger nodded. “Exactly. That’s why it’s such a great training facility. No game-playing here, nossir. It’s life or death. Really ratchets up the learning curve.”

Beranger regretted the necessity for blocking Ontario St for several hours each week but pointed out that the facility is mainly used at night when traffic is lighter.

General Motors, who sold the 55-acre property in 2012, expressed delight at the news and have pledged to donate a dozen hazmat suits to protect firefighters while training on the newly designated facility. Upon hearing this, residents adjacent to the property have also requested hazmat suits. At the time of this writing, GM’s response had not been made public.

However, an email from GM did express excitement at the repurposing of the GM property. “We are just pleased as punch that the mess we left to the community nine years ago has been put to such good use. We always knew the old plant would turn out to be a real benefit to St Catharines.”