Proposed St. Catharines highway would shave seconds off trip to LCBO

City Council will be voting on a “transportation master plan” on 12 April. Among other innovations, the plan proposes bulldozing a highway through the old golf course and current greenspace for the densely populated area around the Fairview Mall. Brett Speers, a representative of the consulting company who prepared the plan, WSP (Why Save Parkland?), explained, “We’ve seen a path between Scott Street and the mall that’s been worn away by folks walking or cycling through the grass. Since our main objective in this plan is to “accommodate all modes of travel, especially cars,” we’re just going to enhance that footpath to make it vehicle friendly.” The plan is widely seen by developers to be in the spirit of the Ford government’s forward- looking Highway 413 project. The 413 super-highway will pave over 63 wetlands and 2,000 acres of farmland to save commuters 2-3 minutes on their drive times.

Acknowledging the size of the former golf course and how it provides public areas and gardens for residents of the surrounding apartment blocks, Speers said, “We have certainly heard about the value of the green space, but it’s not like they’re growing potatoes there or anything. It’s just grass.”

A City spokesperson confirmed Speers’ assessment. “You know how much it costs the City to keep that grass mowed? Well, neither do I, but it’s, like, a lot.” The spokesperson dismissed the idea of planting the area in trees and natural flora to save maintenance costs. “Gimme a break. Have you seen the trees we’ve planted lately? Most of them are dead. Concrete lasts much longer.” Supporters of the proposed road focus on the larger political benefits of the plan, pointing out that the move will curry favour with Premier Ford as it dovetails perfectly into his previously announced Bill 257, otherwise known as the Eradication of Nature bill.  The bill rewards local politicians for innovative language that enables the unhindered continuation of a decades-long program of converting green spaces into profit.  Having declared a climate emergency in 2019 and done little else since, St. Catharines is considered a top contender for major provincial recognition. Supporters of the “transportation master plan” go so far as to believe this could lock down first place in the Ontario Municipal Race to the Bottom Sweepstakes.