Proposed Plywood Replacement Project Expected to Receive CIP Grant

The SubStandard has learned that in the wake of Council’s recent decision to leave the current CIP scheme intact until 2025, owners of the old GM  plant will be seeking an immediate grant under the program. According to a city employee close to the Planning Department, who wishes to remain anonymous since he/she is not authorized to talk to the public about anything,  the project would replace the “ugly old” plywood fencing surrounding the site. “It would really spruce the place up,” the contact commented.

The spokesperson was confident the proposal would be successful. “I mean, after approving the Harbour Club, these guys should be a shoo-in.”

The unauthorized spokesperson said the project would address all four for CIP priority areas: mixed use, affordable housing, heritage protection and brownfield remediation.

The new fence would do double duty by hiding the mysterious activity taking place on the toxic site while providing a  gallery for budding graffiti artists and a notice board for lost pets and ads for yard sales. By placing gates in the fence, homeless citizens would have even easier access to shelter in the ruined buildings.

“It’s not perfect,” the spokesindividual conceded. “But it’s the first time affordable housing of any sort has been part of a grant application we’ve received under the new program.”

As for heritage preservation, since some of the panels have been up for nearly a decade, those sections will be designated “heritage structures” and preserved.

The applicants also expect full points for brownfield remediation. “First of all, out of sight, out of mind, right? Hiding industrial wasteland is almost as good as actually cleaning it up. Plus these new panels will be exterior grade ¾ inch plywood,” the unauthorized contact enthused. “They will form an impenetrable wall. Our engineers are confident it will keep all those pesky PCBs now leaking into the neighbourhood and into 12 Mile Creek inside the site where they belong.”

The planning person felt the project would easily meet the 50 point threshold. “If they’re running a bit short, we might advise them to add some bike racks along Ontario Street.”