Have GM Site PCBs Created Monsters?

Following up on rumours of heavy machinery operating along the Merritt Trail on the west side of the 2nd Welland Canal in Canal Valley, SubStandard reporters decided to investigate and get to the bottom of the matter.

They were shocked by what they discovered.

The intrepid reporters found tracks of what appeared to be a D9 Caterpillar tractor, and relying on their finely-honed tracking skills, followed the faint trail westward into the little-used Princess Park, where they came upon two pallets stacked high with bags of a white powder.

Pushing deeper into the dense woods, the reporters were startled to stumble on an unnamed creek flowing through enormous culverts underneath the 406 highway into the trackless swamp on the other side. The hillside above the culverts had been scraped clean of vegetation and a makeshift bridge spanned the creek. There was a porta-potty and Bobcat backhoe parked hidden in the brush. What was going on?

Suddenly the creek erupted. A mammoth green head shot above the water followed by a slithering scaled body that extended back through the culvert. Instantly grasping the danger they faced, one brave reporter tackled the emerging snake and wrestled it to the ground until it finally had enough and retreated back into the swamp on the other side of the highway.

At this point, we have no explanation. One theory is that the animal the reporters encountered was a green anaconda, known to have arrived in Florida some years ago and reportedly moving north. A more likely possibility is that the beast was a mutated northern water snake, common in the region. With high concentrations of  PCBs —  known to cause birth defects — flowing from the GM site into 12 Mile Creek, it is possible these snakes bred in the marsh below the site and slithered their way across Glenridge and the St Catharines Golf and Country Club and into the creek.

We do know that the devastating lamprey eel was first controlled in streams where the eels spawned by using electro-mechanical barriers called weirs. Is a giant version of the lamprey weir being constructed? The main control mechanism now is the dispersal of lampricides in spawning areas. Are those bags filled with Tri-Flouro-Methyl-Phenol (TFM), the most commonly used lampricide? Could this be a desperate effort to contain these mutants before they escape? 

Clearly, there are many questions yet to be answered.