Could Bug Purchase Be Part of City’s GM Cleanup Strategy?

The SubStandard has just learned that the City recently placed an order for 16 million omniscids from a company known as “The Bug Lady (https://www.thebuglady.ca),” which advertises that it offers “predatory mites, parasitic wasps, nematodes, and ladybugs.” (The latter are currently unavailable, we are sorry to report, but we were relieved to see that praying mantises were back in stock.)

Curious about this unusual purchase and why the City would purchase 16 million of these particular “bugs,” the SubStandard’s team of entomologists went to work.

It turns out that omniscids are a suborder of terrestrial isopod crustaceans, whose function in evolution is to eliminate heavy metals such as mercury, cadmium and lead, which are extremely harmful to humans, and thus contributing to the cleaning of soil and groundwater.

Apparently the City intends to release the bugs at the periphery of the GM site hoping they will find the broad array of heavy metals on the site enticing and will feast on these, cleaning the property of these toxins while eliminating the need for the City to actually enter the site and undertake direct cleanup.

Once the bugs have completed their deed the city will carpet fog the area with pesticides to eliminate the now heavily toxic bugs.

Any input from concerned citizens is appreciated.