Shocking Photo Reveals Real Smokestack Culprit!

Almost exactly four months ago, the skyline of St Catharines changed forever. At high noon on February 5, the smokestack on the GM site came crashing down in a cloud of dust to join the other piles of rubble, a heritage landmark reduced to resalable bricks in seconds.

The flattening did not go unnoticed. Hundreds of residents, shocked at the loss of St Catharines’ most prominent phallic symbol, demanded an explanation from the demolition crew and the City. Councillors, too, were puzzled and angry. Councillor Mat Siscoe commented, “This is infuriating. I had hoped the mortgage holders doing work on the property would be transparent with the City about their plans. Apparently not, as they knew a permit would be required to demolish the stack and knocked it down without any notice to or permit from the City.”

Asked how the destruction could have taken place without a permit and what the heck was the City going to do about it, Tami Kitay, Director of Planning and Demolition Services, confirmed that the stack had come down without her permission, but assured the community that the malefactors would be identified and vigorously prosecuted.

In response to numerous queries from community groups over the intervening months, Ms Kitay has repeated the City’s official position:  “The investigation into the matter is continuing. At this point I have nothing more I can share with the public.”

Puzzled by this apparent ineptitude and, as always, committed to getting to the root of matters of concern to the community, the SubStandard has been conducting its own investigation, and the results are deeply disturbing.

The SubStandard collected photos of the demolition caught by observers and submitted them to a forensic laboratory located in The City of Lincoln for more detailed analysis. As you will see, while the figure in question is almost imperceptible in the original picture, an enlargement reveals what appears to be a coyote detonating a charge capable of bringing down the beloved landmark.

While the SubStandard hesitates to risk spreading fake news, it appears that the smokestack was not knocked over by an errant crane but instead by a rogue coyote.

As shocking as it appears, this explanation would seem to explain the City’s inaction in prosecuting the demolition company originally believed to be responsible. The Ontario Criminal Code makes it extremely  difficult to sue a coyote. In addition, the SubStandard has learned that the coyote in question, anticipating possible charges, has engaged Acme Law and Explosives, one of the premier criminal law firms in the Niagara region, to head his defense team.  

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